On January 9th, we said goodbye to our goodest boy, Duke. Duke wasn’t just a dog—he was family. A striking German Shepherd-Husky mix, he carried himself with both a soft, cuddly warmth and a resilient, valiant spirit. For 14 beautiful years, he was there for every milestone: engagements, weddings, babies, anniversaries. He brought our family closer, not just in his arrival but also in his final days. His pawprints are forever etched in our hearts.
Duke loved the outdoors, his routines, and collecting socks. Summers saw him basking in the sun, soaking up every ray despite his dark coat, and winters turned him into a playful snow bunny, hopping through mounds of snow and burying his face with pure joy. He disliked loud noises, swimming, and dogs bigger than himself, but he adored his walks and his favorite perch by the window, waiting patiently for us to return. In his final days, his quiet strength shone through. Despite his ailments, he waited—never complaining—until my parents returned from traveling before he let go. That’s the kind of loyal soul Duke was.
When Duke passed, grief hit me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. It wasn’t just sadness; it was a full-bodied, all-encompassing experience that compounded with previous loss and grief. I’ve always turned to words to process my emotions, so I began reading about grief and writing it all out. That’s when I came across the seven stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. Sitting with these stages, I realized something profound: grief isn’t something you overcome. It’s something you learn to live with, much like a loyal companion.
Grief as a Loyal Companion
At first, grief felt like an untamed beast, growling and baring its teeth. It loomed large, a force I couldn’t escape. Its presence brought anger, despair, guilt, and regret. I felt cornered, unsure if I’d ever break free. But then, as I sat with it, I began to see grief differently. It wasn’t a monster—it was a trembling, vulnerable creature, unsure of its place in my life. Grief reminded me of a feral puppy: raw, untrained, and unfamiliar.
I hesitated at first but slowly reached out. As I touched grief, something shifted. A wave of warmth and relief washed over me, and I crumpled into sobs. To my surprise, grief didn’t fight back. Instead, it curled up in my lap, heavy but comforting, like a well-worn blanket. In that moment, I realized grief wasn’t here to harm me. It was here to teach me, to remind me of the depth of my love for Duke.
Over time, grief followed me everywhere. It nudged me awake at night, dropped memories of Duke into my lap, and waited patiently for me to smile through my tears. Some days, grief felt overwhelming, popping up unannounced and demanding my attention. Other days, I welcomed its presence, sitting quietly with it as we reflected together.
With time, grief matured. It no longer nipped at my heels or clawed for my focus. Instead, it settled beside me, loyal and steady. Now, grief sits at my feet like a faithful companion, and I instinctively reach down to scratch behind its ears. It’s no longer something to fear but something to cherish—a tender reminder of the love that endures.
What Grief Taught Me
Grief is love’s shadow, its ever-present reminder. Losing Duke taught me profound lessons:
- Grief is a Reflection of Love: The depth of your grief mirrors the depth of your love. It’s a testament to the connections that shape us.
- Grief Evolves: At first, it’s overwhelming and raw, but over time, it softens, becoming a gentle, steady presence.
- Grief is a Teacher: It teaches us patience, resilience, and the importance of sitting with our emotions.
- Grief is Healing: By allowing ourselves to feel grief fully, we find moments of beauty and understanding amidst the pain.
Through this journey, I’ve come to see grief as a constant presence that deepens our understanding of love and resilience. Duke’s memory lives on, not just in my heart but in the way grief has shaped me. It has taught me to sit with my emotions, to embrace the process, and to find beauty in the bittersweet. is love’s shadow, its ever-present reminder. Losing Duke taught me that grief isn’t something to be conquered or ignored. It’s a reflection of the love we carry and the depth of our connections. It evolves with us, shifting from an intimidating force to a gentle companion, always there to remind us of what we’ve lost and what we’ve gained.
Finding Comfort in Grief
If you’re navigating the loss of a loved one—whether it’s a pet, a person, or even a part of your life—I hope these words bring you comfort. Grief may feel unbearable at first, but over time, it softens. It becomes a loyal companion, a reminder of the love that once filled your days and the strength you now carry.
To aid in your journey, here are a few resources about grief and loss:
- MyGrief.ca is an online resource to help people move through their grief from the comfort of their own home, at their own pace
- Claire Place Veterinary Hospice has a collection of resources for pet loss as well as local Grief Counselors
- Learn more about the 7 stages of Grief from Well Beings Counselling.
From my tender heart to yours, may you find solace in the journey of grief and the love that lingers.
To read more of more of my journals and musings, click below:
