In today’s world, society celebrates self-sufficiency so much that we’ve become experts at looking out for ‘number one.’ And yes, self-care and protecting your energy are non-negotiables—necessary even! But somewhere along the way, this survival instinct has mutated into hyper-individualism. People are confusing “boundaries” with building walls, shutting themselves off. And still, we wonder, where’s the village? The one that’s supposed to be raising us, supporting us, and having our back?
Individualism has been marketed as the golden ticket to success, but at what cost? Let’s dive into the tension between individualism and community, and how finding the balance between them can lead to a more abundant, stress-free life.

The Rise of Individualism
In much of Western culture, values like self-reliance, independence, and competition reign supreme. Historically, this isn’t by accident—it’s colonialism at work (surprise, surprise). When European colonialism encroached on cultures that thrived on multigenerational households, communal living was branded as “backward.” In many immigrant and South Asian families, staying at home past the age of 20 is normal and even encouraged as a way to save money and contribute to the family household. However, in the West, it was seen as a failure to launch.
Moving out early, finding a demanding career, and living alone became markers of success. But behind the scenes, it left many of us juggling a million things, isolated, and burnt out. We’ve grown accustomed to the idea that climbing the career ladder means doing it alone. The workplace is a hierarchy where we stand over one another rather than alongside one another. Leaning on others has been wrongly interpreted as weakness, even though studies show that collaboration and support systems actually improve both individual performance and well-being.
The irony is that while society encourages us to stand on our own, mental health crises, burnout, and disconnection are at an all-time high. Without community, it’s not just our social lives that suffer—it’s our health too. Social isolation has been linked to higher risks of heart disease, anxiety, depression, and even premature death. We weren’t built for this solo hustle.

The Power of Community
While self-reliance may sound empowering, it’s not the whole picture. Humans are wired for connection. Anthropologically, community ensured survival. Everyone had a role, and no one was left to fend for themselves. Resources were shared, support was given, and the sense of belonging kept stress at bay. Think of it as emotional insurance.
In many South Asian and immigrant cultures, community is major. Many of us grew up in a household where aunts, uncles, and cousins (blood-related or not) all lived nearby. This built-in village meant there was always someone to lean on—whether for child care, a meal, or just emotional support. Even though living in multigenerational households and large communities wasn’t always glamorous, it gave us life skills we might not have learned elsewhere. By the time we did move out, most of us were quite prepared—emotionally, financially, and practically.
But when those ties to community are severed, and you’re left to handle everything on your own all the time, life gets overwhelming. Research shows that strong social connections can lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and increase oxytocin (the feel-good bonding hormone). Connection literally makes us healthier.
I’ve seen firsthand how community can change everything. When I went through postpartum anxiety and depression, I felt completely isolated. There was no support system to catch me when I was struggling. When we moved closer to family, I finally experienced all the benefits of the elusive ‘villiage’. Suddenly, there were more hands to help, more emotional space, and even more laughter. That’s the power of community—it lifts you up when you can’t lift yourself.

Balancing Self and Community
Now, I’m not suggesting we abandon self-growth or trade our independence for codependency. There’s a balance to strike—a sweet spot between self and community. Personal development is still vital, but it can also grow exponentially when you’re connected with others. When you’re part of a community, it strengthens your self-trust because you know you have a safety net. Whether it’s emotional support, shared resources, or just a pep talk on a tough day, being part of a group helps you feel more resilient.
Community doesn’t stunt your independence; it enhances it. You’re able to take risks, knowing you have people to help you navigate both the highs and lows. Interacting with others teaches you more about yourself. They hold up mirrors, showing you perspectives you might not have considered on your own.You become more open-minded and accepting.
Not only that, but community also helps you develop healthier boundaries. Not the fortress-style ones we discussed earlier, but boundaries that allow you to engage with others while still protecting your peace. Research even suggests that those who participate in supportive groups experience higher self-esteem and a greater sense of purpose. It’s in this balance that self-trust and personal resilience thrive.

Reflect on Your Community
So, what kind of community do you have around you? And more importantly, how is it supporting your journey to thrive? Who shows up for you, makes you feel seen, or helps you shoulder the burden? How are you holding up and supporting others around you?
If you don’t have that village yet, it’s never too late to build one. Seek out communities that resonate with your values—whether it’s a group coaching program, local events, or a supportive online space. The point is, we’re not meant to do this alone.
In our quest for independence and growth, let’s not forget that true strength comes from knowing when to lean on others. Embrace the village, rebuild connections, and watch how much easier and more joyful life becomes when we lift each other up. Reconnecting with others, allows us to reconnect with ourselves and the humanity that connects us all.
Sources & Further Reading:
- The Rise of Individualism in Modern Society: Link to American Sociological Review article on individualism
- Benefits of Community-Based Living: Link to Psychological Science article on community benefits
- The “Village” Mentality in Child-Rearing: Link to Family Relations Journal article on community child-rearing
- The Role of Community in Mental Health: Link to The Lancet Psychiatry article on mental health and community
- Cultural Practices Around Communal Living: Link to Current Anthropology article on communal living in indigenous cultures
- The Impact of Social Isolation on Health: Link to PNAS article on social isolation and health
- The Village as a Support System for Parents and Caregivers: Link to Journal of Community Psychology article on caregiving and community